Fuckin' Perfect

Being perfect is just what I want. But the more I try to be the less I am. -Surprise, surprise. It's hard to try being who you want yourself to be. Especially when it doesn't work. Nobody's perfect, I know. I should try to accept myself and who I am. But I just can repeat: it's hard. It's very hard and hurts a lot when you notice that nothing is working how you want it to work (you know what I mean). Should I give up? Should I be satisfied with me? Haha, it would be better for me, don't you think? But imagine: Convincing me to stay who I am with every bad intension is like forbid(d)ing a poet to write down his poems. It's a funny way to see my friends' faces when I tell them about my problems. Some of them are interested and shocked at the same time and they don't really know what to say. Therefore they often don't say anything. I know, they're worried and I know that they really want to help me and be good friends but unfortunately they can't be 'cause most, no, all of them aren't able to understand, what chaos is behind my facade. What shall I do? I don't want to break to pieces because of such a dumb and impossible wish. Being perfect is a cloud-castle. And it'll stay one. Now until forever.

PS: I hope my English isn't too bad.