Ridiculous

It's just so easy to say "Leave me alone, I'm broken-hearted."
And well, I have to admit this is exactly how I feel. Deceived. Useless. Valueless. Alone - even if I have great friends who try to be there for me. Actually, I'm good...seriously, I'm good. I'm laughing, I almost stopped making myself responsible for what happened "in those days"...okay, this is a lie.
The thought of not being enough is omnipresent, every day, in each hour, minute and second. I pretend like I'm self-confident and that I don't give a f*ck on what other people might say behind my back. But the truth is that I'm just trying to protect myself, my creepy soul. I can protect it from other people...but not from my thoughts.
There's always this nervousness.
The fear to fail.
Fear, fear, fear everywhere.
And this is all so ridiculous because the only person that could keep this fear away from me is...absent. And he won't come back. And do I really want him back after having heard what he really thinks of me and what we had?

It's time for colouring my hair, I'm going crazy.